TORRES DEL PAINE

THE PLACE: Torres Del Paine National Park in southern Chile, one of South America`s top tourist attractions, trekking mecca and famous for its towering mountains, massive glaciers and unparralleled natural beauty.

THE MISSION: Plan and execute 8 day trek doing the 120km circuit around the "Towers"...

THE TEAM: Distant Mountain (civilian ID Pieter Geldenhuys), forthwith known as Vurik the Slayer, and the Lakewalker (civilian ID Chris Warner), codename Touchstone.

POSSIBLE OBSTACLES: Freezing temperatures, icy gale force winds on treacherous passes, understocking food supplies, snowfalls on the passes, inaccurate map info, irritating Englishmen and being waylaid by Chileans and their rum.

DAY 0: IF YOU FAIL TO PLAN, YOU PLAN TO FAIL

Arriving in Puerto Natales after crossing the border from Argentina, our heroes faced their first challenge: Track down appropriate gear for the trek. The hostel had sleeping bags and mats, as well as the cooking gear, but lacked tents. A fast talking Chilean at a rival agency quickly supplied our team with tent and return bus tickets to the national park. The next trick was buying appropriately for the mission- conventional wisdom had the trek at 8 days, being confident in their natural athleticism and being really really ridiculously good looking, Viruk and Touchstone bought 6 days supply of food... time would tell if the ham would not go bad, the gas would hold up and whether Viruk would eat all the chocolate by the second day...

The last supper was enjoyed with the girls from Germany and England, too much wine was consumed and the final packing was deferred to the next morning REALLY early.

DAY 1: THE TWO (NO, THREE) TOWERS

Lots of stomping in the hostel at six in the morning indicated that everyone was packing up to go trekking... chaos in the lounge, but our men got all their shit together and realized their bags were f&%king heavy... must be that litre of wine Viruk insisted on buying.

The 7h30 bus took our heroes to the park entrance and their trek commenced at about 11h00. This was where the first challenge innocently presented itself... Barney the Englishman. Being naturally friendly blokes, our heroes encountered Barney on the outset of the trek going by himself. Inviting him to trek with them, his true nature was not apparrent at the outset...

They set off at a furious pace climbing up into the valley to their first campsite and the kickoff point for the three towers viewpoint, from where the park has its name. The three hour trek to the campsite took our men only two hours, and after lunch and a nap they ascended the final hour to the magnificent lookout of the three towers.

That night Viruk elected to get rid of a kilo of weight by evenly distributing the red wine box between the three of them. Barney readily shared in the spoils... first night sleeping prognosis: It's f/&king freezing out here!

DAY 2: THE FELLOWSHIP OF THE RING
Setting off early, our warriors had a long day ahead of them... between 18 and 35km, depending on the availability of suitable campsites. The morning trek eventually ran into about 16km walking first back down the valley and then the first leg of the circuit, a beautiful (BUT LONG) stretch along the river to the Refugio at Laguna Azul. Resting their weary backs and legs, Viruk found the first murderous urges towards Barney surface. Using his super insult powers and mega selfishness ability, Barney managed to insult South Africa as a people, a country, not share his peanut butter and essentially indicate that everyone except the Brits are assholes. Asshole.

The trek continued as our heroes now struck a path towards the west and Laguna Paine... the next Refugio being 18km distant, they hoped against all odds to find a suitable campsite somewhere in between. The start of what was to become a powerful coalition was forming though, with a tough band of Israelis and some friendly Spaniards also on the almost deserted track. Facing icy winds as the sited the lagoon, Viruk was strongly homesick for his windy Vredehoek home, and was buoyed by the Isreali intel that there was an unofficial campsite pretty close. The weary travelers eventually found musquito laden campsite at round four, and dug into a second delicious pasta tuna dinner before falling into exhausted sleep. Second night sleeping prognosis: It´s F(&king freezing out here!

DAY 3: SINGING IN THE RAIN
The day started badly with Barney insulting new Israeli friends. His karma bites him in the ass and his tent poles break, freeing Viruk and Touchstone from his presence for the day. What was supposed to be an easy day (a mere 18km) with a slight ascent to the mountain refugio halfway up the main pass turned into an absolute oddyssey. A sunny pretty day mutated into a rainy monster as our heroes started into the forested valley, with drenched muddy paths, steep ascents and more treacherous winds. Viruk`s early decision to trek in his shorts was a gift... but also a curse. The scenery was spectacular but the cold and wet slightly dampened spirits... the happy presence of woodpeckers in the forest and the spectacular view of the glacier just before reaching the refugio made up for the inconvenience though. Happily, there was a fire going at the hut where most of the wet clothes could be dried off, and some camaraderie was felt by the frigid trekkers, with some Canadians, Germans and Frensh trekkers joining the coalition... 3rd night prognosis: Even F%$·$king colder!
DAY 4: I GET KNOCKED DOWN, BUT I GET UP AGAIN...

The 600m ascent to the pass was a steep rocky slope. Feeling the weight of their packs, it was a slow but determined trudge to the peak. Viruk was trailing Touchstone by a bit and was contemplating why God had not spoken to him yet (as he usually does on mountains) when it occurred to him that maybe he should start the conversation. They were just having a nice chat with Viruk remarking he did not know how this experience could become better, when it started snowing... Brilliant!

In what was to be the most spectacular day ever, our heroes had the twin privilige of crossing the pass in an inch of fresh powder, to be greeted on the other side by the incredible sight of Glacier Grey, a natural wonder that stretches for miles in every direction... the muddy descent to the next campground posed little challenge after this. 4th night prognosis.... Still f%$$king freezing, but getting used to it...

DAY 5: THE RETURN OF THE KINGHaving put the worst of the circuit behind them, our heroes started to head home. Barney took his leave, but not before again insulting some singing Israeli backpackers. Spectacular glacier views, amazing forested track and brilliant sunny weather for the most part made the 16km day a really pleasant experience... All this was absolutely topped off by meeting some Chileans at the campsite who shared delicisous chocolate and some heady rum with our heroes. A lovefest of sharing ensued, and dinner consisted of salami and cheese starters, mushroom soup, rice and tuna mains, some rum and unidentified other Israeli licquor and loads of chocolate... awesome! As Viruk and Touchstone had been highly disciplined on stretching their rations, the abundance was overpowering! Slightly drunk and well fed, it was still freezing but our heroes did not really care...
DAY 6: TAKING IT EASY
Limiting themselves to a day trek up the valley to the mirador (viewing point), day 6 was a day for reading, reflecting and enjoying the company of the Isrealis and Chileans.
The smell of home... or was that their five day unwashed shirts? Hard to tell, but one thing was for sure... it was still f%$king freezing at night!

DAY 7: HOME!

Viruk and Touchstone aced the last 16km stretch to the bus stop in under 4 hours, the smell of victory in their nostrils. A gruelling seven day trek was rewarded with ample amounts of merlot, steak and ice cream that night, and swopping war stories. The hostel bed was blissfully warm...